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 Post subject:So my girlfriend wants a break...
PostPosted:Thu Apr 24, 2008 5:23 pm 
 

Joined:Sun Jun 10, 2007 11:41 am
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Location:Ninjaville
I'm in a really sucky situation right now, and I figured rather than talk somewhere where I could say the wrong thing and have it come back to bite me in the ass I'd figure I'd ask a community of genuinely nice people and intelligent people what they would do in my situation.

So my girlfriend of two months and I have been fighting a lot lately, she's under a lot of stress as she's been fighting with her parents and has had a short fuse lately. Our fights have this same pattern, she does something that upsets me (It's never anything huge and I'm sure some people would have no problems with them) , and I try to ignore it push it down you know (I know thats bad but its like I try to only bring up the really important stuff), then it sits inside and makes me bitter and angry and I end up "calling her out" at the worst possible time and it's like kicking her when she's down. I go crawling back on my hands and knees to save the relationship and I always have until now.

This last time however it really fell apart she said that she still loves me but she really needs to get her life sorted out (she may have to move out of her house) and that she wants to go on a short (2 days - 2 weeks) and exclusive (no seeing other people just not dating) break. We're still together, just not dating according to her, it's just a loss of title. I told her I have no desire to go on a break but if it's what she thinks we need then I'd be willing to do it for her, but I don't want to get comfortable just being together, and I don't want to wait in relationship limbo forever.

Well it's day two and let me tell you it's more than just a loss of title. It sucks in every sense of the word, we've hung out once and it's just more awkward, and I feel weird saying I love you, and her birthday is soon I'm not sure if it's okay for me to give her the fairly expensive gift I got her if we're not dating by then. It's just weird going back to being together after dating for two months. Now I really do love this girl with all my heart otherwise I wouldn't even be going on a break as the whole idea bothers me. Maybe I'm just being paranoid but this feels like a horrible step in the wrong direction and I'm worried it might be over which is the last thing I want.

Does anyone have any experiences with breaks? Like how they usually end? Let me tell you something though when people say suffering creates creativity that's true. My "word doodles" (a bit like doodling in class except with words) have all been about this lately and at very least I think they seem a little deeper and more creative than normal.

But anyways I'm not sure exactly what I'm asking of the Onlink community, perhaps a story where something like this happens and everything turned out ok?


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 Post subject:Re: So my girlfriend wants a break...
PostPosted:Thu Apr 24, 2008 5:33 pm 
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My first meaningful relationship ended when a drunk driver slammed into the passenger side of her mom's car.

My second meaningful relationship ended after she threatened to commit suicide for the second time. Six months later we get back together on Christmas Eve. Two weeks later, she drops me (for a local boy, I believe).

My third meaningful relationship ended after four months when we couldn't take the constant drama and heartache and distance. She and I don't really talk anymore.

Does that make you feel better?

-- Griffinhart

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 Post subject:Re: So my girlfriend wants a break...
PostPosted:Thu Apr 24, 2008 5:38 pm 
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My first meaningful relationship ended when a drunk driver slammed into the passenger side of her mom's car.

My second meaningful relationship ended after she threatened to commit suicide for the second time. Six months later we get back together on Christmas Eve. Two weeks later, she drops me (for a local boy, I believe).

My third meaningful relationship ended after four months when we couldn't take the constant drama and heartache and distance. She and I don't really talk anymore.

Does that make you feel better?

-- Griffinhart
You are quite possibly the most depressing person I've ever met. I'm going to start cutting now. Thanks. Bitch. D:



As for Gwanky,

I really feel your situation. I've had many a relationship, and none have ended well. I've learned over time that things never end amicably, no matter how the relationship goes. But even so, I'll give my two cents.

I don't entirely know your situation as well as possible, but I know as much as I can given the three paragraphs of introduction you've given. So to say that I can give the best advice would be a big stretch. But from what I -do- know, it sounds like a break may be indeed necessary. Give her space, and time to breathe. If you're worried about her, give her a call every few days or so to see how she's doing and ask if there's anything you can do for her.

But from the way things sound, time is the only element required. I'm certain that if you've mended the relationship in the past, you will indeed do so now. I know waiting is difficult: I suffer from a lack of patience in far less important situations. For instance, package tracking on UPS.com. Damn! Still in Phoenix. *refresh* Damn! Still in Phoenix. *refresh* Damn! Still in--- you get the picture.

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 Post subject:Re: So my girlfriend wants a break...
PostPosted:Thu Apr 24, 2008 6:18 pm 
 

Joined:Sun Jun 10, 2007 11:41 am
Posts:344
Location:Ninjaville
Yeah I know space is what she needs it just sucks because I'm going through a lot right now as well and space is the last thing I want, I just wants someone I who loves me to give me a hug.

As for Finalwarrior, that did not make me feel any better but I honestly felt like a little bit of my faith just vanished that is horrible.


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 Post subject:Re: So my girlfriend wants a break...
PostPosted:Thu Apr 24, 2008 6:34 pm 
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Joined:Mon Aug 13, 2007 1:47 pm
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I have seen people who have gone on breaks end up getting back together. Unfortunately, it's very rare.
But the people who do have all been people who are really and truly good together.
I think the best thing to do is to spend as much time as you can with really good friends who you know care about you. Take it a day at a time and see how things end up. Hopefully things will turn out the way you want and you'll get back together, but it is usually best to not get too attached to the idea.
That probably didn't help any, sorry. I should not be a psychologist, I'm too blunt (though I did end up deleting a lot of what I originally said D:).

And damn Finalwarrior, I thought my relationships had been crazy (well, one of the girls actually was crazy. I mean, she'd been admitted to a mental hospital and everything. But still you just take the cake right there).

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 Post subject:Re: So my girlfriend wants a break...
PostPosted:Thu Apr 24, 2008 6:41 pm 
 

Joined:Sun Jun 10, 2007 11:41 am
Posts:344
Location:Ninjaville
My hopes aren't up too high but at the same time, I don't know it's just really hard and a really sucky situation to be in. Bah I even wrote I love letter and I'm not sure if it's better to give it to her and let her know how I feel or just wait and see if it works itself up. I know it's usually better to get say things that matter in person but I honestly don't think I could get through it without breaking down.


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 Post subject:Re: So my girlfriend wants a break...
PostPosted:Thu Apr 24, 2008 7:24 pm 
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Well, I've never had a real relationship, but I have loved someone very much, and still do. I was too shy to tell her and now I don't ever think I will see her again. I do believe that time is best for practically everything. Sorry I can't give anymore help, and I would if I could.

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 Post subject:Re: So my girlfriend wants a break...
PostPosted:Thu Apr 24, 2008 7:36 pm 
 

Joined:Sun Jun 10, 2007 11:41 am
Posts:344
Location:Ninjaville
Well CPU, as someone who is extremely shy I can certainly relate to that.

But heres a quote that may make you feel better.

~ Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.~
- Washington Irving

I don't know, quotes tend to help me feel better no matter what the situation it just lets you know other people have been there done that and your not alone in this great big world.


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 Post subject:Re: So my girlfriend wants a break...
PostPosted:Fri Apr 25, 2008 11:51 am 
 

Joined:Thu Nov 15, 2007 2:00 pm
Posts:68
Website:http://www.skyblownet.com
If she does these little things that annoy you, think about it. She will keep doing those things. And for you it will only get worse, cause you're cropping it up.

My best advise is: Don't stick with her, don't get too crazy of her.
In is doomed to fail... Just had a same kind of relationship.

Btw: It's only 2 months old. You're still "in love", you're not noticing the bitches part of your relation.

Hope I didn't break you too much.

Anyway, I hope you end up happy. Cause that is all what matters in life.


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 Post subject:Re: So my girlfriend wants a break...
PostPosted:Fri Apr 25, 2008 2:26 pm 
 

Joined:Sun Jun 10, 2007 11:41 am
Posts:344
Location:Ninjaville
@Skyblownet I know the little things won't go away, but normally I can bring them up and talk about them and they just seem insignificant next to everything wonderful. Sometimes however, I do dumb things like bring them up at really horrible times.

Anyways if anyone cares she came up to me today and gave me a kiss on the cheek told me she really appreciates me doing this and we are getting lunch on Sunday. I think this may have a happy ending.


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 Post subject:Re: So my girlfriend wants a break...
PostPosted:Fri Apr 25, 2008 2:26 pm 
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Joined:Sun Feb 12, 2006 8:56 pm
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Website:http://eddieringle.com
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Quote:
Well CPU, as someone who is extremely shy I can certainly relate to that.

But heres a quote that may make you feel better.

~ Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.~
- Washington Irving

I don't know, quotes tend to help me feel better no matter what the situation it just lets you know other people have been there done that and your not alone in this great big world.
Yeah, thanks for that, but this topic is about you. :P

EDIT: Just saw you new post, glad everything might work out.

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 Post subject:Re: So my girlfriend wants a break...
PostPosted:Fri Apr 25, 2008 6:49 pm 
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Joined:Sat Jun 03, 2006 3:51 am
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Quote:
And damn Finalwarrior, I thought my relationships had been crazy (well, one of the girls actually was crazy. I mean, she'd been admitted to a mental hospital and everything. But still you just take the cake right there).
Really? Does it help if I told you that in my third relationship, we both had multiple personalities and spent hours every night conversing? And that those multiple personalities were probably one of two causes of all the drama and heartache? (At least I don't have voices in my head anymore... I guess loneliness is a good price to pay for that, right?)
Quote:
As for Finalwarrior, that did not make me feel any better but I honestly felt like a little bit of my faith just vanished that is horrible.
Shoot. I was trying for the "there's always someone out there who's shit sucks even more than yours" approach. Sorry.
Quote:
You are quite possibly the most depressing person I've ever met. I'm going to start cutting now. Thanks. Bitch. D:
Really? I always thought the girl in my second relationship had it even worse... I was only partly the reason why she threatened suicide. (Which is too bad; had I been the only reason, I'd've gladly left to help her on.)

-- Griffinhart (Scapegoat.)

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-- Demonchild, Angelkin, the Blackest Seraph, the Final Warrior

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 Post subject:Re: So my girlfriend wants a break...
PostPosted:Fri Apr 25, 2008 7:32 pm 
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Joined:Mon Feb 18, 2008 8:13 pm
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When ever it comes to relationship problems, sometimes you have to stand back and consider what has happened. Look deep inside yourself and find out what you soul/inner conscience thinks is right. Maybe you should have diffused the problem when it was in it's early stages. But "that was then and this is now" (I don't know where that's from) and you have to build or rebuild on to of it. That will so that you can really correct what went wrong in a just and caring way.

Well that is just about all the advice I have and I hope it helps. :D

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 Post subject:Re: So my girlfriend wants a break...
PostPosted:Sat Apr 26, 2008 12:51 am 
 

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OK, as this whole situation seems to be working itself out for you, this post may seem a little superfluous, but I'll say my piece anyway. My first serious relationship ended in a break, however we dated off and on for almost a year after that, and it finally ended when I moved away. I'm not one for long distance relationships. My second serious relationship ended when I walked in a caught her fucking a black guy. Actually, to be more precise, that relationship ended when I proceeded to throw said black guy through a wall. My third serious relationship has yet to end but it has had several breaks, not long breaks but at least 5 that I can think of, and all of the breaks ended with her fucking my brains out for a couple of days. We have now been together for almost 4 years. However, don't let that whole exclusive thing fool you. On one of our breaks my g/f fooled around with a guy that i had issues with anyway and i nearly beat the guy to death. So, I guess the moral to the story is that breaks can end well. Just accept whatever she does. If it doesn't work out it's not the end on the world. A great man once said, "It's better to have loved and lost, than to be shot in the face." Personally, i don't see the difference. Either way, you hurt like hell and people look at you funny for a while. So good luck Gwanky. By the way is this the same girl from your other post. If it is, I'm just curious as to how she's doing?

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 Post subject:Re: So my girlfriend wants a break...
PostPosted:Sat Apr 26, 2008 2:35 pm 
 

Joined:Sun Jun 10, 2007 11:41 am
Posts:344
Location:Ninjaville
Yes it is, and shes doing great, unlike Finalwarriors relationships which although seem depressing but healthy, yours seem downright fucked up.

Yeah it seems to be working out, and also perhaps you just have negative experiences or date women that are crazier then normal women or date for sex or something but I am "fooled" by the whole exclusive thing and maybe it makes me naive and a fool, but if you can't trust the person you love then who can you trust?


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